Generosity!

Just wanted to share an e-mail that Lacey received following the closing of the silent auction. I was so touched by the generosity of this lady. Such a simple e-mail speaks volumes and touched my heart.

I am so grateful for the generosity of this lady and of each of you. You have (and are) amazing supporters. Thank you for helping me through my challenges ❤

Hi Lacey,

Nice of you to email me, but Thanks is not necessary.  I was shopping online yesterday am – looking for a cute pair of wedge shoes for the summer.   I have been looking for awhile and couldn’t find what I wanted.  I found a pair yesterday online, and I was willing to spend whatever the price was-  even though I can’t really afford to blow money on clothes and shoes!  It dawned on me that people, myself included, are so willing to overextend themselves on material goods, yet often begrudge being asked to support or donate to a cause no matter how worthy.   So, I increased my donation and bought a cute pair of cheap wedge shoes from Target!   Win-win.  My brother has been fighting bladder Cancer for the past few years.  Right now he’s clean.  God willing he will remain in remission.   His treatments are funded through our health care system and I can’t imagine if they weren’t.  I wish you all the best in your pursuit of donations.  I will be following Lynsey and I will help again when I can.

 
Sincerely,
XXX

Logic has no place in Emotion

Today my parents, Steve and I headed to Sunnybrook for the results of the MRI I had April 19. We have been anxiously waiting for this day ever since we got news of my tumour growth, and I was admitted to hospital in February. This appointment was to determine if now was to be the appropriate time to start year #2 of chemo.

As the title of this post indicates, my feelings about today’s results are not logical. But as my brilliant husband pointed out this afternoon, “Logic has no place in emotion”. I received good news today  – the tumour has not grown any more. The intensity of it might have even gone down slightly from my late February MRI. Dr. Perry believes that all of the seizures I was having in February were appearing on the scan as increased intensity (or grade of the tumour). So, since my seizures have been better under control for the past 6 weeks, these stronger intensity areas have returned to original intensity or grading. So what does this all mean? It means that I  will not be starting chemo right now. I will continue to go for frequent MRIs until there is enough growth to start the chemo. The planned treatment, daily chemo for a year, will still be needed. Today was not the day to start it though.

Now for the “illogical” part… I was not overly happy with this news. Yes, I know it is great that there has not been growth and I don’t start chemo, but I am scared. I am more scared now then I was when I was originally diagnosed. Once again the life that I have known since November 2011 has been pulled out from under me. I was used to being a cancer patient, it is all I have known for the past year and a half. Now, I am expected to return to my old life… and with no clue for how long. Cancer is not in any way, shape, or form gone from my life. At some point in the not so distant future I will once again be a cancer patient. I don’t know how I will handle returning to “normal” or at least what that used to mean for me. I am a different person now than I was then, and don’t know how this new person will fit into the old person’s life. This is a terrifying thought and as I said, I am more stressed/nervous/scared/anxious/etc. today then when I originally got my diagnosis.

Finally, my extreme gratefulness to everyone who has so generously donated their time and money to my cause is mixed with feelings of guilt today, as the money will not be as urgently needed as we were led to believe (my February scans and symptoms had both us and doctors convinced this would need to be treated imminently). The reality is that I do not know when my next round of chemo will start. It could be in 3 months… 6 months… or a year (or longer???). From what we now know the start date of that battle is up in the air. I still have cancer and will still be needing daily chemotherapy. Today was not the ideal time to start it though.  In the meantime, rest assured that every penny donated will be saved until it comes time to start chemo again. It will also continue to go towards the cost of my current medications and additional therapies I have been pursuing to help battle this disease. I promise you that none of this money will go to waste; I know that it is through your generosity that I will be able to get better. Thank you all from the very bottom of my heart.

I believe that Winston Churchill wraps up today’s events perfectly: “This is not the end, this is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning”.

As always thank you for your love, support, encouragement, and prayers.