Today I watched an episode of Modern Family where Phil made a comment that brought understanding to what I have been feeling and experiencing recently. Claire wanted to ignore a problem she had with Gloria and just sweep it under the rug. Phil said “the problem with doing that is that eventually you will have a very bumpy rug that turns into a tripping hazard”. What a profound statement!
My blog has, for the very first time in my life allowed me to be brutally honest with my emotions to myself and to people who I have not been able to be honest with before in my life (who I wish I could be). My blog has provided me such freedom and allowed me to be authentic. Having the opportunity to be totally authentic, without concern for judgement, reaction, or tension is a wonderfully freeing and empowering thing.
Over the past two months I have “tripped” over the rug under which I have been sweeping things many times. I fear if I continue to sweep things under the rug, the next “trip” could be a very dangerous one.
All my life I have felt the need to limit everything that I say. Regardless of what was going on in life, I felt like conversations needed to remain “fluffy” or “superficial”. Sharing any true emotions was a sign of weakness and was unacceptable. The though of crying, showing fear or nervousness in front of anyone but Steve is unimaginable to me. I want to change this. I want to be able to authentically interact with those I am closest to in person, not just on the blog. Please help me do this.